As I near to complete 10 years as a practicing Psychotherapist (and 16+ years of Study), I find myself reminiscing many of the journeys I have undertaken in this Career. My first job as a Psychologist paid me 10,000/- INR and taught me a lot! Not only in terms of the ‘supposed’ Do’s and Don’ts of this industry, but also how, bad office politics cut Careers short. I was asked to leave the post because I dared to voice my displeasure.
The work I was asked to do was beyond the horizon of anything to do with Psychotherapy or Counselling or Mental Health. I made lesson plans for children for which I was not trained, nor was I briefed about when I joined. Very similar to School Counsellors teaching in classes as Substitute teachers, in which they are neither trained, nor briefed. Most organisations with Mental Health a decade back operated with too wide an audience and offers.
This caused me a frustration but deep helplessness, as I was a young 23 year old who only and only thought that she would forever struggle or never ‘make it’. I kept pushing myself to complete the MPhil in Clinical Psychology as I believed this was the only way for me to have any Career. Everyone I had spoken to, asked me to drop Clinical and take up Industrial as my specialisation and it started to feel to glaringly real that maybe, just maybe I would not have Career in Clinical work.
Healing one's self-concept and achieving any success are a deeply interconnected processes. And my self-concept was shaping my reality. Every bit of doubt manifested in some form or the other, until I was deep down the rabbit hole of the sales funnels that perpetuated me joining the rat race that I could in no way consciously escape.
I only believed that I could only progress in a certain way forward with how I grow and how much money I make. Infact the fact that I had job in what I learnt+trained to do, would feel like a blessing, which was bare minimum. However, a series of such experiences propelled me to an intention, decision and action that ‘I am the creator of my own reality’.
I felt so lost but I knew in my being that I what I wanted to do mattered and I had what it takes to facilitate genuine, deep transformation. I decided to how up. Show up first internally. Decide what you want to do and shift into that identity first. It can be painful and scary because something unknown feels that most paralysing to our brain that relies on data and analysing it.
Moving slowly helped. I had no idea what would entail starting my own private practise, but what I did know, was that I no longer could fit into any dimensions, set by an organisation that cannot conceive to create any scales by which to many any value nor potential of mine. They don’t exist! So something else must. Something that I deeply felt like doing, internally, could propel the creation of this. So I showed up externally. I told people that I take clients. I told people what I do. I explained how this work was valuable, I said what I had always believed in. Some people shamed me and guilted me, and some aligned with it. But many, many people paid for it.
I showed up as a Professional, someone with power, someone with skills, someone without this lack of sufficiency, someone who knows how to problem solve for people. I wrote down all my ideas. I engaged in genuine conversations. Building one relationship at a time. I know I had limiting beliefs and fears, but my ones were so closed to me I couldn’t see them. So I focused on identifying people who could help me.
Once recognized, I kept prioritising working on it. It was exhausting but not more than being in suffocating situations that drain every ounce of your zealous energy.
Work on replacing what doesn’t work for you. Even if you don’t you know what to replace them with, the intention and decision will fill the void with your desired manifestation. But you must show up for yourself. That is the one ingredient which is as simple and profound as salt!
I send you the very best wishes as this year comes to an end. No time better than the present to give yourself the present of conscious choice.
Love
Suniti.
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